Saturday, 20 May 2017

12. Out Of Control

Today is the day that I reminisced the past clear, non-runny nose days. I'm sorry I took you for granted!! 

Today is the day that I wished I'm not hypersensitive (type 1) to paracetamol, so that my paranoia of getting another anaphylaxis episode wouldn't stop me from downing a Clarinase tablet that Ulfah thoughtfully offered just now.

Today is the day that I looked at the mirror through itchy, watery eyes in disgust, because damn, those eye bags. Blemishes on my cheeks. Lack of glow.

Today is also the day that the Guerilla Date episode with Park Min Young was released and seeing her photos & videos all over Instagram didn't turn on my fangirl mode as it usually does, but it sent my self esteem plummeting instead.

Today is the day that I got worked up over things that are out of my control - my past, my body's immunological reaction to drugs, the mirror doing its honest job, my not being Park Min Young.

It's just today, I think.

Tomorrow I'll bounce back to the happy, funny, annoying Shahirah who does not wallow in self pity and focuses more on things that I have the power to control/manipulate. To facilitate you visualise that transition, it's something like this :

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